ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
