my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
