im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
