Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
