I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
