A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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