U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So squirting runs in the family.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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