I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sorry about my life...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
