Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
