Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
