Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
