I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
