just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
