I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize