hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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