I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
