Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
