I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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