is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
