I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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