I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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