Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
