There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
