hotel room ftw
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just googled if crying burns calories
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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