Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
