I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize