Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
