i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
