he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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