you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
