Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
