Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
