After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
