But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
