I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is the prime rib incident all over again
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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