When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
