it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We talked him into tasing himself.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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