when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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