i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
