You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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