you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
