I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's never too late to be topless.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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