some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
