I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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