I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize