In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
