the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
