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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am

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• (281): View more from Texas

  WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!

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• (310): View more from California

  Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want a musical about memes.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How ya feelin sunshine?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.

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