Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
