And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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