I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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