We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
