If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the day after is always just damage control
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
