Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
