question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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