It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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