I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
two words...techno handjob
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
