So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
