wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize