can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
