Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
