She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's shark week go big or go home
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
