Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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