She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
