I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
