Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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