Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
